Friday, September 28, 2007

Renegade Princess

I see you looking perplexed towards the skies,
As I try to be a part of your colossal strength;
And you say you don't need an alibi,
To defend yourself as you stand without deter.

Neither have you cried out for ma or pa,
Nor have you relied blindly on any gospel;
'Cause you know your prerogative's radii,
And all that you said was anything but lie.

People detest you and call you a maniac,
This garish world hardly cares for truth;
But you know you are right sheila!
No matter how much the way looks abrupt.

You have a feeling deep within you,
That you'll heal off the pain, Eir!
And once again the world'll gain it's rev,
So it's not the time to say goodbye;

And as you deeply introspect, the more you find,
"Tongue tied and twisted just an earthbound misfit, I".

Copyright © 2007
(All except the last line)

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Mis bah 5 runs !!

Knock Knock....
Who's there?
Misbah who?
Mis bah five runs.

For those who dint get it.... stop talking of cricket from now on :P

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Whats in the NAME ?

Time for some quick, non taxing additions to my blog. Came through this website which tells about your personality as per your first name (Time to blame your parents!).
My parents seems have done a good job cuz I have two names Rohit and Shobhit and both yielded good results :)

Shobhit creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control.
It creates a most expressive nature, idealistic and inspirational, driven with a strong inner urge to be of service in some way that would uplift humanity as a whole.
However, there is a tendency to assume too heavy a burden of responsibility for others, which leads to worry and undue concern.
People with problems are drawn to you as they recognize you as one who has understanding and gives not only sympathy and comfort but provides also some constructive advice or assistance.
You have a generous quality to your nature, but you must guard carefully against giving more than you receive or you will find yourself doing without because you have helped someone else.

Check out what your name has in store for you here.

I ain't happy,
I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but
Not for long
The future is coming on!

Eternal Blues of a Clock-Watching Mind !!

I am getting more and more relentless and annoyed of the office culture now .

Reason : Why the heck do people fail to see the obvious and do stuffs just for the sake of doing it without foreseeing that it makes no impact to the final result.

Sorry for digging again that cliched office stuff but really cant help it. One more thing if you have taken me for a worker who tries to skip the work then take a look at this def. of clock-watching.

Now that I am done with the boasting let me tell you of some funny incidences of my workplace.

1) It was our second week in the office and it was 3 days since we had moved to our apartment . The area was facing a shortage in water supply owing to a municipality strike and the bore well had gone bad as well. We brought a couple of buckets of water from downstairs daily (thats all we got in those 4-5 days for 4 of us, we could have got more had laziness not prevailed) and come to office after brushing our precious enamels. And in the process two of us got late to the office one day for the first time and as Mr. Merphy would have predicted, our CEO caught us coming late. The conversation went something like this :

CEO : Why are you guys late?
Before I could say a word, My partner in crime 'X' : Sir we have a water problem at our apartment. (Me:WTH is he saying?)
CEO: So what?
X : Sir Shobhit had to take a bath. (Me: Swearing profusely in my mind but helpless)
CEO : What do you mean that Shobhit had to take a bath?
X : Sir actually we have this water problem for 3 days now and Shobhit had not taken a bath for these three days so he had to and thus we got late.

And this was the last statement before the conference room burst into laughters and left me searching for corners where I could run and hide to escape the embarrassment. But the damage was done and I felt like a clown entertaining a gathering of children.
CEO (chuckling) : I never knew that bangalore was turning into something like chennai. (stop laughing you assholes if you are in gurgaon cuz ur city is next in line..)

2) It was our company fun outing and we were playing a game of Captain Ball. There was this match going between two of the teams and everyone was hooting. Suddenly our CEO who was part of one of the teams came into the game after a substitution. As soon as he started playing, I started hooting,

"Two balls in the play" (He is a fatty for the unknowns)

and it was two late for me to realize that CEO's wife who was in our team was sitting next to me.
I cursed my ill fate thinking why is it me all the time!!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Smoking Kills : But who wants to live till 90 anyways!

Catchy punchline ~Source : South Park

Was watching this episode on anti smoking few days back in which some shabbily dressed guys were performing in the South Park elementary to teach hazards of smoking to the kids .
Result : Exasperated by the crew's performance, Cartman and company runs out and starts to smoke(to insure that they don't grow up to become one of them).

Jokes apart just try searching out for 'smoking+life+minutes' on google and you would see most of the studies stating that 'a ciggy cuts 11 minutes of your life' blah blah... I completely fail to understand how can they come up with such results and generalize them if they don't conduct the study on identical twins and see the effects. The only thing that researchers are sure of is that smoking is carcinogenic, so if you are a smoker either you end up catching those contracting disease and die or nothing bad happens. So Its like that binary thing and there is nothing like a continuous age reduction due to smoking.
I tried looking a little deeper into those studies and almost all of them ended up saying,
The researchers admit that their calculations are crude as it relies on law of averages"
How modest ha!! Its just like saying ' We suck but you gotta buy the argument neways cuz we dont know any other way to calculate it '.

On a lighter note have a look at the picture attached. This is actually an on-the-ceiling poster in the Smoking Room at an IT firm in Hyderabad. Got this picture as a email forward and loved it. Really innovation is captivating!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

How I learned to stop feeling excited and love my job

Why a blog? its not that i like blogging or its the thing to do for that matter... its just that i have got loads of free time at the office now and i wish i could do anything better than this...

The inception of my job was as I expected it to be from the corporate world. It all started with a jam packed two week long training which later got extended to 3 weeks.
Our mentors threw at us an unending list of assignments, projects and presentations. I felt really like been thrown back in time and was reminded of my orientation program at IITK, the only difference being that this was even worse 'cause you had to take care of a lot of other things which included finding a house as well and believe me its not that easy as they make it look in the ads of magicbricks.
I swear that I slept only for 5-6 hours throughout those 3 weeks continuously without a break(even on weekends). Yeah thats the difference when you're in a corporate world where deadlines are meant to be met and not like good old days of IITK where you get away with it by getting a lower grade.
After submitting all those assignment(SAS,VBA,EXCEL,SQL,OLS etc. etc..) came "The Project". They made us do one of their earlier projects by toning it down a little and expected us to finish it within a week which took them at least a month.
I thanked my IIT experience which made us take it all up and finish somehow(included one near nightout) . The funniest thing in the project being "The Guide" and "The Client". We were supposed to contact the "dummy" client only via a conference call, though its a different thing that she used to sit next to my cubical. We poor souls pulled it off too.
Then came the presentation part which saw our tiny little asses being kicked left right and center throughout that 1.5 hr presentation. But we were not going to let it go that easily(again thanks to the BTP). And the day cometh too which saw the entire "Induction Program" finish. Boy!! weren't we the most relieved souls on earth having successfully completed the program which included reaching office at 9 in the morning and coming back by 11 PM and those formals...
The next day we reached the office rejuvenated and drowsy at the same time, there was a mail from the HR asking us to put up a culshow at 4 PM (the first thing that we thought of was WTH??). What do they expect of us....we all gathered to plan it out but it didn't took us long to figure out that it was just not possible given the short time span that we had. We all got back to the HR and told about it only to receive a big motivational speech and he even used phrases like "even the word Impossibles says....." crap!! It was 12 now and we had lost another 2 hours in the process. Luckily a bong among us freshers had an electric guitar and he went to his home and brought it. Man he could really play guitar, you just had to give him the chords of a song of your choice and thats it. So together we somehow managed to put up a show 5-6 songs and some mimicry in those two hours and yep it pretty well covered our vocal handicap. And yes it was my maiden performance as a vocalist yay!! :P

A week passed and the HR came up with another corporate activity "The Team Outing". The entire staff was split into 4 teams and there was going to have a games competition and that was not the end of it, we were to come up with a team name and do the marketing and branding of our team.To start, it was our team name for which people came up with clichéd names. My idea for a team name "Headless Chickens" was dropped instantly :( because people were too serious with all this team and branding stuff. The name they came up with was "Chak De" . But seriously all teams were closely competing when it came to crappy team names. The other names being "MS ki Aag", Megabucks"Where the bucks stop", and Fast and Fouriers"(still figuring why they chose this!!)
My manager kept troubling me for making posters and coming up with ideas. By that time people had also started putting up some A4 printouts bearing their team name and a quote.
These are the posters that I made and before you see them i would like to mention some of the corporate B.S. that I learned viz. "P.U.F.P" (pick up the fucking phone) and "The Indian Toddle"(Indian way of nodding by moving head sideways like an inverted bell for a 'yes').

All of these posters were big colored maize printouts and looked sexy! The first poster was put up at the toilets, second one at the main entrance access door and the third one at work place. No points for identifying the queen number in the third poster!! After we put up these posters people went hammer and tongs after them and started anti campaigning. The fast and fouriers team started spamming our mailboxes by sending some calvin and hobbes after changing the last part and writing their team name in it.
When it all got unbearable I made some comic strips and mailed them to all.

Note: The people whom I targeted were all either Directors or Managers so it wont be a surprise for me if I don't get an appraisal in the next cycle :P