Sunday, October 21, 2007

YOU CAN WIN too!!

Its time to write off all that I learnt during the past two weeks maybe three...
After keeping a vigil eye over all the nonsense that I have been through acting insanely sincere all the time; I have compiled a list of some major do's and don'ts which would project you as a impressive communicator as far as business matters are considered.
Of course its your communication skill that matters at the EOD(End of the Day). 'My Precious' as our hobbit friend from LOTR would say!
So here you go...

1) From this point in time(it was never 'point of time') precede any and all conversations with the word 'business'. People will start taking you seriously only if you start calling question, objective, model and even communication as Business Question, Business Objective, Business Model and Business Communication. Didn't it sound coming straight from a CEO?
2) Start calling for meetings at least 4 times a day(You don't really need an agenda cuz it is when staffing, project updates and conference calls come in handy!)
3) Keep asking people for their inputs on any damn topic and make sure they feel that they are the most useful resource that has ever occurred to a firm and it was because of them that the project was still running.
4) Start using words and phrases which have no relevance to the 'business problem' whatsoever or to any useful output for that matter. Enrich your glossary with 'weasel words' and phrases/words like greener pastures, paraphernalia, leveraging, proactive way, touching base, paradigm shift, tail wagging, stretching the envelope, in synergy, ramp up, going hammer and tongs, being at the sea etc..(now that you know I have a keen ears for B.S. as well). Not to forget mentioning evergreen phrases like taking it forward, identifying the best resources, climbing up the ladder, bandwidth to spare, out of the box solution, etc..
5) Make it a rule to never use the word 'never' and start using 'sure' and 'correct' from now on. Don't you wanna show off that nothing under the sun in this man made world was ever out of your capabilities.
6) Most importantly start working on projects as soon as you are assigned to it as the most important resource. It really doesn't matter if you don't know/have not received the objective or the background of the project. It is this quality of pioneer ship which outsmarts you from your colleagues.
7) You are not going to take your night meal if you have not fulfilled the days quota of sayting 'thanks'. Its your moral responsibility to acknowledge for the pains that your colleagues took for you. Even bashing for poor work doesn't go without a 'thanks' in the end.
8) Start 'following up' on things. The more the number of follow ups the better managing skills you have! (And I thought not understanding in the first go were the signs of incompetency :P) Always follow up on all conference calls with the 'minutes' and a long email to show that you were indeed awake and listening.
9) Time is never a constraint. Stoopid are those people who complete a work within the time frame it should be done in! You are responsible only if you work late in the night preparing decks(ppts) and rechecking them and then discussing them the next day which was only a matter of half an hour.
10) Last but definitely not the least keep updating yourself listening to what your HR has to say...because if there were any bigger BS Generator second only to Sri Sri 1008 Gobar (Varun Gupta), it has to be the HR(and NO I am not talking of Himesh Prabhu). Come on there is something jazzy in the initials isn't it?
Having said all I am still loving it.
So roll up your sleeves like a go getter and shoot 'em all up with your supremely enhanced BC(Business Communication you perverts!) that you've learned today

1 comment:

Satish said...

ROFL..

sala ab toh main saahab ban jaaunga be.

now i know that i can win too! as losers like me in are for such great reading may be u sud change the title too to 'You Can Win Too.'